I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
