Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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