i barfeds in our rink
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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