My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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