We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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