Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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