Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
