I faked an abortion last night.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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