but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
