Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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