Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
