Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
