I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There's even glitter on my cock...
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