My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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