I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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