Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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