last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
