words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
