Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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