Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hippo gnu deer
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
