Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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