Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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