Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
tell me about the eggs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize