I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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