Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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