Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
