4 words: hood of his car
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
