Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
