Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
