did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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