She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
