I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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