I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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