dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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