it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
