Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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