hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
