After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
