I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
