The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
