when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
