So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i think i just lost a toe
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
