unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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