now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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