i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
