he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
