I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
