there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
