***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
