I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
