dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
