but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
