Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
did i just pee glitter
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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