he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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