I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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