He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
