pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
