like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
