That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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